So since I was a teenager, I have worked outside of the home. I've worked at restaurants, but most of my experience has been in office work namely- banking. I never wanted to be a stay at home wife for multiple reasons. Just staying home a few days to a week off of work....I would clean until there was nothing left to clean and then I would be bored. Well its amazing how God changes your heart in time...and how now I couldn't possibly clean enough 😂. With kids in the mix nothing ever truly stays clean. Anyways, I had worked at the bank for around 4 years and my heart was changing and thinking about children. Wait let me back up a little bit....when my husband and I got married, we had a 5 year plan. The 5 year plan involved dedicating that time to US. We did that and shortly after started trying to make a family.
I found out that I was pregnant twice, but lost both babies early on. It was devastating. The feeling of being out of control was overwhelming and heartbreaking. It was in that time that God showed up in a greater measure then ever before and made Himself so real in my life. Before then, I think I may have been living off of my parents experiences with God. Don't get me wrong....I knew God and had even experienced Him firsthand in the altars, but this was my first time of true heart wrenching desperation, and He showed up just as faithful as my parents and church family always said that He would and did in their lives. We were living in Louisville at the time, and not only did we have 2 babies born to heaven, but my husband lost his job. We had based our entire budget on both of our incomes so needless to say we were in trouble. God took care of us, but after much prayer and my husband not being able to find a job ....we decided it would be best to move back home closer to family so we sold our home and took a loss. Let me say though, this season of loss for us brought Psalms 34:18 truth and promise of God right to us!! Like seriously that verse became so real and alive to me. It says the Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Oh the times that God would show up in the midst of this great mountain that I was having such a difficult time getting past. I remember taking my hour lunch break in my car, crying my eyes out, just being real with God and even a little angry, and then having to clean up my face and go back into work as if everything was hunky dory. The times that the Holy Spirit comforted me were great. The times that His peace that passed all understanding swept into the room were many......but it was in THIS time that I learned that Jesus already sees my heart so I can just be real with Him. Like....I come to the realization and true revelation that He can handle my emotions. I mean....for crying out loud ....He created them.....so it was in that time that I just poured myself out to Him like never before....I asked questions....some I still don't have answers too....The truth is... God is God and we are not so we can not possibly fathom in our mere human brains why He allows certain things to happen. ....but just the fact that I was able to talk to Him as if I'm talking to you right now made me feel so much better, and being able to feel His presence and knowing that my babies were in Heaven safe in His arms made things more bearable. A piece of my heart will always be in heaven with those sweet babies and I will see them one day when I go to be with Jesus. That's what I take comfort in. It also helped me to give them names. We named them Shayne Zion and Luke Gabriel. They will forever be remembered.
When we did move back to TN, I got a job as a receptionist in a nursing home, and He was working at Dominos Pizza.....well Guess what? We found out that we were pregnant with our Destiny. We prayed so hard for her, and along side us were many prayer warriors within the body of Christ praying so we knew that God was going to work a miracle .....even if only a matter of time. Sure enough, God didn't just give us a miracle baby, but He also healed my body. It was like a double whammy blessing!!! The research that the Doctors did in Louisville revealed that my blood was clotting around the uterus cutting the flow off from baby and that was why my babies kept passing so early on. Well, bc of that I was told that as soon as I became pregnant the next time that I would have to take a daily shot to prevent this from happening again. As soon as I got pregnant the doctors prescribed these shots, but when I went to my high risk dr that Monday there was absolutely no sign of the blood clotting this go around so he said you don't even have to bother with the shots!!! We were wowed, and knew that this was God at work!!! She was our miracle baby.
From that point on the desire to be a stay at home mom only grew in my heart. In January of 2013 I ended up quitting my job bc I was so sick with headaches and morning sickness that it just seemed like the best thing to do. Since that time I have been a stay at home wife and mom. Babysitting was my way of helping with at least some of the bills, and it was a huge blessing. I was thankful that God opened those doors and it was an awesome opportunity to love on babies. They truly did become a part of our family. I am no longer babysitting as I am focusing on my 2 year old son who has speech therapy and TEIS every week. I've also been dealing with some neck pains and having to do physical therapy 3 times a week. I've been feeling this deep call to write for quite sometime, but never surrendered to it as their was always an excuse- to busy, not enough time, I'm not qualified enough....the list goes on...well, I am at a total surrender to God in this now, and pray that He will use this for His glory alone!!!
....So this brings me to Luke, also a miracle baby!!! I dreamed about both of my babies before they actually said Hello World!!! These dreams were no doubt from God! Firmly believe He was giving me hope through them to Hold onto His promises which are Yes and amen!!! I dreamed of Destiny shortly after my 2nd miscarriage, so on delivery day it was like I was seeing her for the 2nd time and it was an experience that I couldn't possibly explain in words, but there were tears .....so many tears of thankfulness to our great God!!! I dreamed of Luke 2 or 3 months before I found out that I was pregnant with him and It was the most vivid real dream I've ever had!!! So I was sleeping in our room and I hear a baby crying and I look over to see a baby boy crying in a bassinet. That dream was so real that when I woke up it took me 10 min to realize that I was not in my room but in my daughters room bc she woke up upset and I was sleeping in there with her. He was our revival baby through my pregnancy as we were always in church services and youth camp so no doubt that even when he was in my womb he got to experience the presence of God. He would kick so hard during praise and worship and even to this day still loves music at church. When we go up to the church to practice ...He always wants to beat on the drums. Thinking he may be a drummer like his daddy... who knows?? 😀
So this is my background story....this is my past, and I am excited to be in the present writing my experiences, my recipes, my learnings of motherhood, being a wife, and servant leader and helper in ministry. I have such a very long way to go!!! There is so much more to the story, and I'm beyond thankful that I serve a God who holds us in the palm of HIS hands ....He orders our steps, and makes our crooked paths straight, and He has a plan that involves hope for the future!!!
If you don't know Jesus today, please know that He loves you beyond measure, and longs to know you and have relationship with you!! Just repent of your sins and ask Him to change your heart and ways. Ask Him to come into your heart and abide their forever. He is faithful to do it. Please feel free to message me for prayer as I would be happy to pray for you and with you!!!
Fowler Mommy Wife